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No Middle Ground 

Having already  incorporated Truman and Kennedy into the conservative pantheon, reactionaries are now critiquing Barack Obama for being just not FDR-ish enough

Portly torture enthusiast,  former Bush speech writer and stain on the Washington Post op/ed page Mark Theeson is out with an exciting new line of pretend argument: that unless Obama mans up and fully enjoys fighting both depression and war  he’ll end up a spent husk like Lyndon Johnson.

For purposes of lamenting Obama’s failure to use his oratorical powers in service of hustling the East, Thiessen assumes the guise of someone excited about expansive federal government, saddened by the stunting of LBJ’s Great Society.

A stance not often seen in the folds of the American Enterprise Institute, where the creator of wistful love notes to safely dead Democrats lies.

Crime Seen

Rick “Re-Animator” Barber triumphantly mobilized George Washington’s ghost in the Alabama 2nd House District campaign, and now our first Republican president has been summoned to the cause. 

Plus Holocaust victims!  

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Over The Top don’t begin to describe it.  I think we know where Rick is going with this:

Must Keep Straight Face

Would be Republican congressional candidate Rick “Ric” Barber is lashing out against  oppression the only way he knows how: summoning the bewigged ghosts of unspecified 18th Century greats to join him in war on the federal government.

Just how this founder-iffic militia uprising is to be coordinated through his Congressional franking privilege is unclear, but Rick wants you to know he’s not gonna beg for the job:

“As a successful small business owner, Rick Barber doesn’t need a Congressman’s salary.“

  Rick has already scored the coveted endorsement of renowned Internet crazy lady Pamella Geller, pausing briefly in  her long twilight struggle against   “female non-Muslim sex slaves“

   Adams Family Now                          

From Palm Beach, a sunny place for shady people, comes a presidential offspring bulletin.

Beloved folk hero Rush Limbaugh has married a descendant of famed one-termer John Adams. Guests for the hillbilly heroin fan‘s fourth traditional marriage included animal-human hybrid James Carville and noted pubic hair detective Clarance Thomas.

The Thomas invitation may be tempting fate. Himself divorced, the Supreme Court Justice presided over Limbaugh’s third wedding.   Other divorced guests present included Karl Rove, Rudy Giuliani, Fred Thompson and Tom Watson.

The bride’s provenance raises the disturbing prospect that Rush might be present for the long dreamed of unvieling of Washington’s own all Adams memorial.

                                           

    Give The Gift Of Karl!

In my day your basic Fathers Day gift was cigars, or something vaguely tool-related.

But family values Republicans appear to believe that Dad reads, or at least has shelf space.

Hardly had excitement died down over the Nixon Library’s touting Dick Morris as Father’s special gift, when word comes of yet another words on paper offering on this special day.                                                       

Operators are standing by, and if you move snappily you might be one of the lucky 200 Karl Rove fans to get a boxed version of his “highly anticipated memoir” of his “often-controversial role” in the Bush administration.

But There Is More!  This timeless classic in real leather is being offered at a mere $30, reduced from $37.00.  That’s an 18% savings!