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Cruz In For A Disabusing? 

Despite brave talk about how next time it will all be different with their brown brethren, your New Look GOP is still, shall we say squeamish about them whats from elsewhere.

Which makes it all the more surprising that some have turned to an immigrant to get the job done in 2016.

Passing over dozens of qualified white males [and that New Hampshire gal ] Politico is thinking big again.  Hearts are reported aflutter for Texas dreamboat Ted Cruz, despite his Canadian birth.

An immigrant to do a job Americans could do.

Politico reports the speculation with a straight face, carefully ignoring recent Republican birther flirtations, which go unmentioned.  Our favorite birther sub-cult was the variation which reluctantly accepted Obama’s Hawaiian birth, but branched off into unique interpretations of the Constitution’s “natural born” language involving invented disqualification based on his father’s citizenship.

Similar circumstances [father not a citizen] would appear to disqualify Cruz, but as Politico folkish-ly allows, Ted “knows a thing or two about constitutional law.”

The Senate newbie is clearly interested in the issue, with spokesman Sean Ruston pre-loaded with this less than spontaneous line:

“Ted is a U.S. citizen by birth, having been born in Calgary to an American-born mother” 

McNaughton’s Group  

Special thanks to the eagle eyes at Wonkette, who’ve spotted a big one.

Extraordinarily cheezeball artist Jon McNaughton has brought forth a gathering of greats, as the ghosts of presidents past hover around sullen, stand-offish looking Barack Obama, variously annoyed or aghast at his literal TRAMPLING ON THE CONSTITUTION!

McNaughton is the kind of crank who rambles along in incoherent Founderspeak for numbered paragraphs, passive aggressively concluding:

“The information is historical. If it is not familiar to you – Google it.“

Cramming all these figures into the frame seems to have skewed McNaughton’s perspective.  Small but perfectly formed James Madison is so upset at Obama’s boot-heel to our liberties that he’s bent over pleading, but appears to be almost Obama’s height.   The Forgotten Man is a giant seated on a toy town bench. Such is the occasion that Franklin Roosevelt walks.

McNaughton’s painting doesn’t leave much to chance, featuring ominous clouds, flags at half staff, and an accompanying video lush with  piano chords of doom.

Beck Banishes   

Awakened from their slumbers by patriot/seer Glen Beck, conservatives across America rush to join the antic showman in tossing Teddy Roosevelt over the side.

Until now, who knew that TR’s hysterically masculine crackpot vision of a white man’s world had some problems?  Evidently not Jonah Goldberg.

Wonkette peers under the hood of Teddy’s utopia:

“One day soon, Jonah’s going to hear about this “Nationalized Parks” thing, and he is NOT going to be happy about it.“

Grant Me This 

It was a gathering of the conservative faithful at CPAC this past weekend, and the search for novel political analogies reached strange new heights.

Among the oddities was Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty, whose doomed Presidential campaign took its first tentative steps off the cliff by reminding the assembled Neo-Confederates    of a past glorius Republican office holder,  U.S. Grant.

Somehow today’s conservative struggle resembles Grant’s grinding Civil War victories over the South, his scandel infested administration, or his occasional lunges towards protecting blacks and Republicans from the Klan in the South. Which is unclear, but Pawlenty has his own upbeat, crackpot version:

“We’re on the side of limited government. And, like Grant, we fight.“

But perhaps not win.  Pawlenty came in fourth in CPAC’s presidential straw poll.

Also up for CPAC recycling,  Margeret Thatcher, AKA The Iron Lady.  Indiana Representative Mike Pence, straw poll fifth place holder, put America’s striking coal miners and Trotskyist local office holders on notice by evoking everyone’s favorite Churchill in drag. Just wait till that North Sea oil saves our ass!

A Romantic View Of History

Pence also entertained the crowd with a musty Ronald Reagan yarn, one where Reagan encountered a magic pipe-fitter.  This proto Joe The Plumber begged Reagan to save tax cuts for the rich, so guys like him could be hired by them.  Pence has trotted out the tale of this wondrous encounter at least twice going back to 2005.

CPAC turned to Glen Beck for insane historical tales with a grain of truth.

Peeing all over John McCain’s myth of a muscular progressive Republican past, Beck rightly called Teddy Roosevelt an interventionist.

But calling Roosevelt a socialist is as insane as labeling Obama one.

 

 

A Killer Tree, A Pony And A Welfare Queen Walk Into A Bar…
 

The delightfully named David Rambo taking his skills learned producing “CSI” to the crime scene that was the Ronald Reagan presidency.The packagers of  Harry Truman and Teddy Roosevet’s pissy endearment for the one man stage have turned their attentions to the beloved former president.

Reagan will supply the one-liners musty even in their day, and Rambo is to bring the sparkle.

Sadly, this meant the departure from the project of Hollywood right wing icon Lionel Chetwynd, who from the rather rough clay of George W. Bush’s 9-11     response fashioned a heroic narrative.