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Behold These Goofs 

Unable to stage signing the “Mount Vernon Statement” at, um, Mount Vernon, massed conservatives held their event instead at the swanky Collingwood Library & Museum, a former dinner theatre venue  on property   once owned by George Washington and now available for wedding rentals.

Mount Vernon wouldn’t let them hold a political event on its grounds, so the free marketeers turned to their weapon of choice, and hired a hall.

Fox did its ungrammatical best to hang onto that fresh Founding Fathers smell:

“The signing ceremony is took place at a library that was part of George Washington’s Mount Vernon Estate. “

The New Nation/new grammar enthusiasm got the better of the Statement-os as well. Their classy yellow fake parchmentie web page recalls “selfevident truths.”

Further bizarre historical analogies came in the Statement-os comparison of themselves to the signers of the Sharon Statement,  a storied conservative event held at William F. Buckley’s Connecticut estate sixty years ago.  What mileage they achieve from Eisenhower era ties to a dead pot-smoking Iraq war opponent is unclear.
No Pillars To Post

 The State of Georgia offers this rib-tickler:

Union soldiers died from friendly fire while capturing Jefferson Davis!

“An ironic tale from the Civil War is told at Jefferson Davis Memorial Historic Site in Fitzgerald. A month after the war’s end, Confederate President Davis and a few remaining men were camped in south Georgia to continue their fight for the “lost cause.” At dawn, they were surrounded by two independent Union troops who began unknowingly firing at each other. Two Union cavalrymen died in the skirmish and Davis was taken prisoner. .. On Presidents Day, rangers will offer guided tours to all visitors. “

It’s Confederates, For Kids! 

Spirited efforts continue to normalize Confederate President Jefferson Davis and graft him onto real Presidents Day, but now cracker apologists have raised their sights:

they are going after Black History Month.

Rickey Pittman has cranked out two soft-core black/Confederate books, and has managed to get into school Black History Month programs to promote them.

“Jim Limber Davis: A Black Orphan In The Confederate White House”   is about the literal poster child of Rebel apologists: surely Jefferson Davis couldn’t be all bad if he “adopted” an African American orphan? 

And “Stonewall Jackson’s Black Sunday School”  seeks to show how dedicated the famed Confederate general was to the spiritual life of the people whose enslavement he fought to preserve.

Past Forgetting, For Kids!

 Like The Power  

Lame rhyming: it’s not just for brown people anymore!

From the frozen wastes of New Hampshire come fresh new voices of reaction-with a beat!

Yes, Dartmouth has yet again spawned new conservatives, but this time the youngsters are lifting their voices in song, turning that rap music into a weapon for good, not just ho/gangster celebratin’.

The hearty stew that is contemporary conservatism is a murky mix, and would-be hipster reactionaries are doing their part to further confusion.

Reagan youth yearns to enjoy somewhat contemporary rap music with all their friends, while reinforcing belief in all that is right and true.

Now they don’t have to choose!

“You can be straight, you were born this way“

Thanks to the stern visaged “Young Cons,” today’s youth can turn the former music of the oppressed into hymns of complacency. As we learn from the “Young Cons Anthem” [Actual title!]:

“Three things taught me conservative love: Jesus, Ronald Reagan and Atlas Shrugged“

These mopes haven’t embraced your more lively versions of that rap. Theirs is more of your drone-y slowpoke rap, where you can make out every syllable because their E-Nun-Ci-A-Tion is about the only energy shown.

But their message is perhaps best absorbed in lyric form, ’cause their prose would stunt a generation:

“In a technological era driven fiercely by the main stream media, those who vocalize the true conservative message of individual responsibility, moral absolutes, and small government are slanted as intolerant, racist, “bible and gun clinging”, corporate fat cats who could not care less about the environment nor the well being of their fellow man.”

Or, as others have said,

Gipper’s Delight: The Lads Visit “Fox & Friends” on Hooters Day!

Bart Speaks For The Nation 

Ford’s Theatre reopened this year after a vast fundraising and re-do, and they are going all out to mark Presidents Day Week:

Ladies & Gentlemen, Mr. Mark Russell! 

Yes, the “comic” songster so lame that even PBS finally dropped him, tickling the ivories once more in Our Nation’s Capital.

Russell was cruelly mocked on The Simpsons “Mr. Lisa Goes To Washington”almost twenty years ago.   He was parodied as the entertainment for Lisa’s DC award banquet, Brother Bart groaning throughout.

“This guy is awful!“

It was a dead-on parody of Russell’s ghastly tunes    vaguely referencing politics without being in the slightest political.  His own publicists boast that “He began knowing little about politics…”

The Russell case demonstrates perhaps the limits of satire.  Long after they’ve been called out by anyone knowing anything,  DC’s Unstoppables continue to roam the landscape, dropping triteness bombs.