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Lame rhyming: it’s not just for brown people anymore!

From the frozen wastes of New Hampshire come fresh new voices of reaction-with a beat!

Yes, Dartmouth has yet again spawned new conservatives, but this time the youngsters are lifting their voices in song, turning that rap music into a weapon for good, not just ho/gangster celebratin’.

The hearty stew that is contemporary conservatism is a murky mix, and would-be hipster reactionaries are doing their part to further confusion.

Reagan youth yearns to enjoy somewhat contemporary rap music with all their friends, while reinforcing belief in all that is right and true.

Now they don’t have to choose!

“You can be straight, you were born this way“

Thanks to the stern visaged “Young Cons,” today’s youth can turn the former music of the oppressed into hymns of complacency. As we learn from the “Young Cons Anthem” [Actual title!]:

“Three things taught me conservative love: Jesus, Ronald Reagan and Atlas Shrugged“

These mopes haven’t embraced your more lively versions of that rap. Theirs is more of your drone-y slowpoke rap, where you can make out every syllable because their E-Nun-Ci-A-Tion is about the only energy shown.

But their message is perhaps best absorbed in lyric form, ’cause their prose would stunt a generation:

“In a technological era driven fiercely by the main stream media, those who vocalize the true conservative message of individual responsibility, moral absolutes, and small government are slanted as intolerant, racist, “bible and gun clinging”, corporate fat cats who could not care less about the environment nor the well being of their fellow man.”

Or, as others have said,

Gipper’s Delight: The Lads Visit “Fox & Friends” on Hooters Day!