The Conservative Path To Power: Making [Up] History

Analogize This  churchill-deserve-victory.jpg

“It is to the eternal glory of the American nation, that the more hopeless became their cause, the more desperately the Southerner fought”

– Churchill

The Washington Post this President’s Day gives us hints at the parties would-be roads to power, and if the Republican portrait is accurate we won’t be seeing them for a good long while.

The Democrats continue to parade about as cut-rate New Dealers, seeing one-third of a nation ill-housed, ill-clad, ill-nourished, and vowing to get around to that.

The Republicans are the fun bunch.  I assume the Post reporters here are faithfully paraphrasing Republican emissions, because actual reporting might call them into question.

“Rep. Eric Cantor (Va.), the House minority whip who led the fight to deny Obama every GOP vote for the plan, is studying Winston Churchill’s role leading the Tories in the late 1930s, a principled minority that was eventually catapulted into power over the Labor Party. “

Where to begin with this mulch-pile of myth?

“A principled minority:”

Churchill spent the late thirties on the outs with his Conservative Party leadership, but the party held a parliamentary majority until being crushed by Labour in 1945. If by leading you mean making speeches while out of power, he did.

everyone-yes-everyone-will-be-better-off-under-labour.jpg

Perhaps this is the catapulting:

Churchill returned the Tories to power in 1951, but on the basis of an election in which Labour received more than a million votes more than the Tories.

Meanwhile, the Churchill bust on loan from Britain which graced the Bush Oval Office has been shipped back by Barack Obama.

Head Tossed  bush-churchill-bust.jpg

Lincoln Stalks The Corn Field

Now He Belongs To The Undead  lincoln-vampire-film-still.JPG

With the proud boast “Filmed in Champaign-Urbana, Illinois,” perhaps America’s only Abraham Lincoln vampire movie has struck the internets, offering 24 minutes of farmer tans and corn-fed honeys battling a blood-sucking Great Emancipator.

The film has played the festival circuit, but now the entire film is available free on-line.

Star Michael Krebs day job is as a Lincoln “interpreter.”  lincoln-krebs-with_lincoln_productions.JPG

Jefferson Davis: Remembrance & Recognition

Me Real President!  bizarro-superman.JPG

A touching feature each President’s Day is efforts by our nation’s cracker remnants to attach Confederate President Jefferson Davis to the ranks of actual presidents.

lincoln-davis-vicksburg.jpg Davis is equated to the real deal in this Bizarro World parallel universe, including fellow Kentuckian Abraham Lincoln.  Jolly Confederate clowns wish Davis “Our first and only president…so far” a Happy President’s Day, and weep bitter tears over “One of the great American Presidents, overlooked each year.

Not some places.  The New York Times reviewer of HBO’s “Eastbound & Bounddiscovered to their amazement that the series’ “Jefferson Davis Middle School” wasn’t a joke.  He adorns schools across the South.

The Georgia state park marking Davis’s capture by Union troops assures us that   “On Presidents Day, rangers will offer guided tours to all visitors,” and apples4theteacher thoughtfully amends their Lincoln coloring pages with smiling Jeff Davis. davis-jefferson.gif

Twilight Serenade davis-last-council-of-war-meeting-of-confederate-president-jefferson-davis.jpg

Washington Re-Worked

Dead White European Males, Monumental Addition 

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The Washington Post
marks President’s Day Eve profiling Chicago artist Kerry James Marshall, who offers an entertaining add-on to the Washington Monument.

What finer place to commemorate Nat Turner’s  turner-nat-slave-rebellion.jpg  slave rebellion?

The sly artist told the Post that  Barack Obama’s election  is all well and good…

But the moment that Nat Turner appears on a postage stamp…is more of a turning point.”

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This President’s Day, Stay Home!

As You Were  presidential_address.gif

A hardy perennial as President’s Day approaches is the nation’s great editorial voices lamenting the sad spectacle of Americans swarming the malls rather than making pilgrimage to stately presidential homes and memorials.

The economy should knock out retail worries this year, and pilgrimages have their own troubles.

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President’s Day’s origin, such as it is, lies in Seventies legislation to standardize Federal holidays and shove as many as possible into three day weekends.

In days of yore February was the setting for George Washington’s Birthday Day sales, as well as Congress’s annual reading of his Farewell Address.  That part of the country which won the Civil War [you know who you are] observed Lincoln’s Birthday. Congress sort of fudged on what they were doing, apostrophes have wandered, and for elementary school civics and retail purposes the thing has become a catchall day for all presidents.

Let’s go to the shrines!  presidential-libraries-us-map.jpg

The pan-presidential holiday has opened the field to our unique American marketing genius.  Every crossing of the road once graced by a former Great spruces up for the expected masses.

Many of them are house museums, where  generations of captured audience school children learn the furniture preferences of former Americans, insofar as we can reconstruct them.

Woodrow Wilson’s Augusta Georgia childhood home is typical of the genre’s limitations.  This President’s Day it will feature free admission and actors playing Wilson and spouses.  Americans may never know how Wilson led us in war, launched massive repression of war opponents, or cemented segregation in Washington DC, but thanks to re-enactors we will know he married twice!

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What ever is the point of these places?

Their guardians seem to miss it. The William McKinley complex in Canton Ohio is typical.

mckinley-administration-promises.jpg   The McKinley era had real consequence, launching us into an exciting new century of imperial adventure, defeating populism at home, and not least boosting the career of McKinley’s successor Teddy Roosevelt, role model for generations of reactionaries who wished to be seen as both forceful and thoughtful.

You’d never know it in Canton, but for the size of his tomb.

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The McKinley museum has run out or never had anything to say about our martyred president, now featuring a science museum,  model trains, and fire-poles for the kids.

Franklin Roosevelt launched our glorious tradition of pharaoh-fication, famously parking the first presidential library in his yard and having himself buried there for the full experience.

The special local-ness of these little bits o’ greatness scattered over the landscape are celebrated by America’s leading purveyor of thoughtful presidential historian mush, mccullough-with-presicc960.jpg David  McCullough:

” it is valuable for anyone trying to understand the life of a particular president should come to the place that produced that human being, where his memory is part of the story of that place.“

 

Stirring words, except Reagan’s location is an accident of real estate after Stanford, where he had no ties, turned him down. Nixon crawled back to Yorba Linda after numerous rejections elsewhere, and Bush Sr is in College Station for ideological congruity, not any local ties.

The great tradition is coming to its logical end at the FDR Library, where the seventy-five year old structure’s roof leaks, the wiring is shot, and damp threatens the Roosevelt papers. A $17 million fix is requested.

Just why this national collection of randomly sited mini-archives must be maintained and expanded into perpetuity even as they are pilfered from within is unclear.