WWW.PRESIDENTS”R”US.COM

Pastures Of Pawlenty Results are pouring in, and former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty’s 2012 campaign launch video is on its way to comedy gold.  Ominous music, quick cutting between historic footage and the fairytale grittiness of handheld cameras [Thanks, Battle Of Algiers!]   lend a semblance of urgency to Pawlenty’s flat intonation, but can the Rick Santorum Of The North overcome his roots in America’s Almost Canada? Amidst the familiar 60s crawl – MLK! Moonshots! – Pawlenty’s not afraid to take controversial stands                               He Does Not Care For Communism!     

                                    And, Founder Porn! 

We also get such oddities as a wagon train [in black and white, for authenticity!]

And this foreign interloper. 

 If Tim Pawlenty can’t protect us from Blackberry wielding Canadians, how can he defend America?

Obama Now One Of The Greats! 

For decades, criminal geniuses have disguised themselves in the act, and an early 90s film from the Patrick Swayze ouvrier sparked a seemingly endless wave of robbers wearing masks of the great. 

Now the current president has joined this proud line, with North Carolina gas station robber donning an Obama mask to do the deed.

Despite the crime wave, this is one of the least troubling parts of the Swayze legacy.  The the late actor was recently offered as an excuse for the multiple has-been-ed Jennifer Grey to appear on the last round up, “Dancing With The Stars.”

Republican Tinkerbell

The thoughtful press peepers at Media Matters For America [just typing it gives a tingle!] have detected a pattern in Republican affairs:  free-floating New Reagan naming, often not tied to any visible speaking skill or charisma.

Christie On A Stick! 

They run down the usual names named, your Palins, Rubios and the like, but several of the reborn seem to have escaped their view.

Lest we forget, some have imagined the mantel falling on Rubio’s leathery opponent, Charlie Crist.  Before his auditioning to become the Robert Byrd of the desert wastelands,  John McCain was considered amoung the Reagan Undead. Until he stumbled into a cracker history morass Virginia Governor Robert F. “Bob” McDonnell was seen, at least in Pat Robertson’s alternative universe, as Reaganesque. And South Korean hard man President Lee Myung-bak was Reagan walking until it was discovered voters didn’t thrill to the prospect of confrontation with the North.

But our favorite New Reagan of Today lives in South Africa:

  step forward President Zuma!

Bush Alumni Gather                  

George W. Bush has shown his sensitive side to gathering of the faithful, while interested observers puzzled over an exciting new Bush mystery:

Where did they hide the papers this time?

The former President repeated claims he’ll stay above the political fray, while saying former President Carter had  “made my life miserable.”

The Bush administration alumni gathered in Washington just as yet another old rock turned over.  One piece of information gained from the  Justice Department investigation of John Yoo’s torture memos was the exciting news that many of Yoo’s emails from the period were unavailable.

Apparently because they were deleted.

My Successor Deserves My Documents

Washington veterans exchanged quiet smiles, minds drifting back to the Bush administration’s sprint to the exits, little heeding such niceties as complying with federal record keeping laws. Years of litigation later we learned that some 22 millions emails had gone missing, recoverable only at vast expense.

Choire Sicha spoke for the Nation, asking plaintively “How Many Years Will It Take Us To Get John Yoo’s Emails?”

Watch This Space!



 Like The Power  

Lame rhyming: it’s not just for brown people anymore!

From the frozen wastes of New Hampshire come fresh new voices of reaction-with a beat!

Yes, Dartmouth has yet again spawned new conservatives, but this time the youngsters are lifting their voices in song, turning that rap music into a weapon for good, not just ho/gangster celebratin’.

The hearty stew that is contemporary conservatism is a murky mix, and would-be hipster reactionaries are doing their part to further confusion.

Reagan youth yearns to enjoy somewhat contemporary rap music with all their friends, while reinforcing belief in all that is right and true.

Now they don’t have to choose!

“You can be straight, you were born this way“

Thanks to the stern visaged “Young Cons,” today’s youth can turn the former music of the oppressed into hymns of complacency. As we learn from the “Young Cons Anthem” [Actual title!]:

“Three things taught me conservative love: Jesus, Ronald Reagan and Atlas Shrugged“

These mopes haven’t embraced your more lively versions of that rap. Theirs is more of your drone-y slowpoke rap, where you can make out every syllable because their E-Nun-Ci-A-Tion is about the only energy shown.

But their message is perhaps best absorbed in lyric form, ’cause their prose would stunt a generation:

“In a technological era driven fiercely by the main stream media, those who vocalize the true conservative message of individual responsibility, moral absolutes, and small government are slanted as intolerant, racist, “bible and gun clinging”, corporate fat cats who could not care less about the environment nor the well being of their fellow man.”

Or, as others have said,

Gipper’s Delight: The Lads Visit “Fox & Friends” on Hooters Day!